mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
