It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
