You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize