nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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