did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
