I wish i was in the wii world.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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