Just cropdusted the office
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
