we're chasing vodka with high fives
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
