I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
