bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Randomize
