Someone shit on the floor
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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