Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
