there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
