Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
