I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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