ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
