It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Randomize
