pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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