my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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