i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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