well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
