some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
