her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
my being single is dangerous.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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