Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
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