And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
