Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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