Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
