the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
