u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
