matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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