Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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