we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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