i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
