I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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