I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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