I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
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