Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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