She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
