if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
