I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
