who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
