ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
