I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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