he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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