Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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