My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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