Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
so let's talk penis.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
