my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
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