i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
