i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
