Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
