Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
it's great music for shaving your balls
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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