The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
