Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
