Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
