he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
