I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
