Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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