a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize