She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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