i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
