I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
