i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
