She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
