So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
