If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
