Well apparently he's into motor boating.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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