Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
